Where Are the Men? How Masculine Healing Can Transform Our World
When emotional numbness becomes the norm, we all lose,but there's a quiet revolution happening that could change everything.
What if the key to healing our broken world lies not in pointing fingers, but in creating safe spaces for everyone, including men, to do the deep inner work our society desperately needs?
Twenty-five years ago, as a young social worker, I sat through a four-day multi-agency training that would forever change how I viewed the narrative around gender and healing. For three days, we discussed women as victims and men as perpetrators. The promised session on working with men? It shrank from half a day to one hour, a rushed afterthought that left me stunned and dismayed.
"How are we going to shift anything?" I wondered. "How can we move forward when half the population is written off as the problem rather than part of the solution?"
In my recent conversation with Hugh Newton, a man who has dedicated nearly 30 years to men's healing work, I discovered that quiet revolution I'd been hoping for is already underway. Through his honest, vulnerable sharing about his own journey from emotional numbness to wholeness, Hugh revealed three profound truths that could transform how we approach healing, leadership, and community connection.
In this post, you'll discover why men's inner work isn't just beneficial for men, it's essential for all of us, and how creating space for authentic masculinity can help heal the divisions that plague our world.
The Hidden Cost of Patriarchal Conditioning (For Everyone)
The patriarchal system gives men advantages and privileges, but there's an underside that's rarely discussed.
Hugh explains it this way: "It conditions men out of happiness. It tries to tell men the only route is the root of working and material success. It dumbs us down, it restricts us, it curbs our emotions, it leaves us very one-sided. And all of that is not a happy place for men."
When we think about patriarchy, we often focus on how it privileges men. But Hugh's perspective reveals a deeper truth: the same system that oppresses women also systematically destroys men's emotional capacity, their ability to be vulnerable, and their connection to their authentic selves.
Hugh shared his own story of being emotionally numb for years: "I was conditioned to be absolutely emotionally numb. And the only emotion I could feel was anger. No joy in there. I'd eliminated my ability to feel fear and sadness."
This emotional numbing doesn't happen in a vacuum, it affects partners, children, communities, and ultimately, our entire society. When half the population is conditioned to suppress their feelings and operate from survival mode, we all suffer the consequences. It makes me wonder about the men in our own lives, are they truly present and emotionally available, or are they operating from that restricted, survival-based place? Perhaps creating safer spaces for authentic expression without judgment could be one small step toward healing these patterns.
The Quiet Revolution: Men Choosing Love Over Competition
While the headlines focus on toxic masculinity, something beautiful is happening beneath the surface.
Hugh revealed something hopeful that often goes unnoticed: "The revolution that's going on amongst men towards love and service is a much quieter revolution. And it's felt amongst families and children and friends, but it's strong. It's really strong."
Through his work with men's groups and initiation processes, Hugh witnesses men regularly choosing to confront their trauma, heal their wounds, and step into their capacity for love and service. As he puts it: "Men are really deeply longing to serve the world... Men long... love to serve. I've found that it's the deepest longing of men to serve the world."
This revolution might be quieter than the destructive forces that make the news, but it's creating ripple effects. Hugh shared a powerful moment from one of his workshops: "One man's wife said... I can see my man again. I can see him again, and all his love... you've given me my man back."
What strikes me about this is how transformation in one person creates waves that touch everyone around them. When we look for the quiet revolutionaries in our communities, the men who are choosing vulnerability over aggression, service over selfishness, we begin to see hope where we might have only seen problems before.
Why Men Need Men First (And How This Helps Everyone)
One of Hugh's most important insights challenges our assumptions about healing spaces.
"My thoughts are that for... Men to really take their place in the world, they need to do their healing work amongst men first," Hugh explains. "It's very hard to feel good about myself if I don't feel good about my masculinity, if I feel I'm bad just because I'm a man."
Why is this so important? Because when men are constantly told they're "bad" or "the problem," they can't access the strength and beauty of healthy masculinity. In men's groups, they can confront their capacity for both darkness and light, heal their trauma together, and discover what positive masculinity actually looks like.
Hugh described the profound brotherhood that emerges: "The men I know, I've known for, like, nearly 30 years now. We know each other inside out... we work through our pain and our difficulties, and our dysfunction, and bring all of that to light so we can heal it."
This isn't about excluding women; it's about creating the foundation that allows men to show up more fully in all their relationships. It has me reflecting on how we might support the men in our lives in finding healthy male mentorship and community, rather than expecting them to figure it all out in isolation.
The Ripple Effect of Healed Hearts
As our conversation drew to a close, Hugh offered this beautiful vision: "The world of love is here for all of us men, and it starts by loving ourselves... The world we inherited is not how it has to be. There's a far, far better place for us."
This isn't about fixing men or making them more palatable to others. It's about creating space for all of us to return to our authentic selves, beyond the conditioning that keeps us small, separate, and scared.
When men heal their emotional numbness, everyone benefits. When women feel safe to express their full power, everyone benefits. When we move beyond simplistic narratives of victims and perpetrators to see the complex humanity in each other, we create the possibility for real transformation.
The world Hugh envisions "balanced, self-aware, mature, loving, and beautiful men, standing alongside, the women, standing alongside the earth" isn't just a dream. It's happening now, one brave soul at a time, in quiet moments of vulnerability and connection.
I'm curious about your experience with this topic:
Have you noticed men in your life who are doing this quieter work of healing and growth? What does that look like?
If you're a woman, how might you support the men you care about in finding healthy community and mentorship?
If you're a man, what would it take for you to seek out other men committed to authentic growth and vulnerability?
How might we move beyond the tired narratives of victims and perpetrators to see the full humanity in each other?
Ready to explore how connection and healing can transform your life and community?
🎧 Listen to my full conversation with Hugh Newton where we dive deeper into men's healing work, the role of initiation in personal growth, and how we can all contribute to creating a more balanced world: https://connectionmatterspodcast.simplecast.com/episodes/where-are-the-men-the-quiet-revolution-of-masculine-healing-with-hugh-newton
📥 Join my free "Designing a Life Aligned with Your True North" Masterclass to begin your own journey of authentic self-leadership: https://pages.leonajohnson.life/true-north
What resonated most with you from this conversation? Share with me over on instagram, I'd love to continue this important dialogue about healing and connection in our communities.
